I heard back from UGO, that company that I was interested in working for. They didn't want me.
I have no idea what I did wrong. I sent a polite response and asked for feedback and also mentioned that if another position became available to keep me in mind.
Did I say something wrong in the interview? Did I totally screw up the tech exam? Was it simply that another candidate was better suited? I have no idea. Like dating, job interviews tend to suffer from a lack of feedback.
I feel like crap. It's time for a little self-analysis so I can try to figure out in what job I would be happy.
I've never been much for following the latest trend. I've always done my own thing. I recall one instance in 8th grade at a U.S.Y. summer camp when I apparently should have known who Ralph Lauren was. I didn't know. I could, however, name all the main characters of the Transformers (I think I could still get 90%). I played with action figures, inventing stories for them, until embarrassingly late in life. I think I was trying to emulate the comic books that I read. This explains my current penchant for getting collectible figures for my office shelves.
One benefit of my childhood is that I have gotten an appreciation of good storytelling, whether it's video, audio or print. This includes clever uses of motif and theme and witty, insightful dialogue. I don't feel that I'm talented or original enough to write this sort of thing (I question if I could cut it as, say, a writer on a television show), but I can certainly appreciate it.
I do like certain forms of pop culture and am always open to trying new things. It does lead to gaps in my knowledge which I find annoying. A friend of mine says that since I've stopped reading comics I should start reading history books. While I don't think history books are necessary, non-fiction might work for me at this phase of my life. I wish I could motivate myself to read for pleasure more.
I'm also not good at dealing with stress. Under extreme stress, I tend to shut off and say "nothing is worth feeling like this". I'm also not very good at dealing with uncertainty, and uncertainty causes me stress. What if I can't find a job I like? What if I'm stuck in yet another job that I hate or am not good at and will yet again be politely asked to leave in a few years? How can I convince future employers that I'm really the best man for the position if my entire employment history is an average of two years at a job? There's the uncertainty, and there's the stress.
I worry about money, because despite being there for my friends and family, I don't think anybody will be there for me during the twilight years of my life. Therefore, I can only rely on myself and will need the monetary savings to do so. I see minor evidence of this solitude now when I get few phone calls, e-mails or invitations to events. But then, I've never had that sort of charisma.
Unless I make a conscious effort to remember things or write them down, I forget things. I tend to monotask rather than multitask.
Sometimes I wish my adult life could be a do-over.
I think the vast majority of my issues stems from the fact that I was babied and somewhat spoiled as a kid.
Thus ends today's analysis.
