Trivia went well tonight. If you missed it, then I will hunt you down like a dog. Okay, maybe not. I also ate at "Caliente Cab" on Bleecker near the Baggot Inn. Pretty good burger.

I will continue yesterday's tradition of transcribing SNL sketches with the following:

(To the tune of "The Green Berets")
Fighting solder in Vietnam.
A perfect son to any mom.
He's one part man, one part machine.
He's Ollie North
The Mute Marine.

Mined the harbors of Managua.
Planned the invasion of Grenada.
But soon cruel fate, would intervene.
And he'd become
The Mute Marine

Traded arms to Iran.
For hostages. What a great plan!
His chances for success were zero.
And yet he's still a national hero.

Two Swiss accounts were in his name.
Diverted funds. But who's to blame?
The time had come to tell his tale.
Here's what he said, to stay out of jail.

(Silence)

He'd like to talk, but cannot speak.
His will is strong. His case is weak.
We may never know just what he's seen.
The man they call...
The Mute Marine.

I forgot to mention that I was in Chinatown this past weekend during Chinese New Year. This made no sense to me. Isn't there like a huge time difference between the U.S. and China? When was the new year, exactly?

I wrote the following today, for my own amusement:

As everybody knows, my birthday soon approaches. And with that, I think it's time to discuss my biggest birthday wish.

My biggest birthday wish is for all the children of the world to live together in peace and harmony.

My second biggest wish is that every individual on Earth give me all their money.

Following that, I wish all the people of the world would acknowledge me as their rightful lord and master.

Also, I want all the women in the world that I find attractive (and even those I find unattractive) to have sexual intercourse with me until I am sick of it (which would likely be never).

No, wait. This is all in the wrong order. First, I'd want all the kids to live together in peace and harmony. Then the world domination. Then the sex. Then the money.

Oh wait. I forgot vengeance on my enemies. They should die like pigs in Hell.

First, the world domination. Then the sex. Then the crap about the kids. Then the money. No, I think I'd want the vengeance before the money.
Okay, let me redo this.

First the world domination. Then the vengeance. Then the money. Then the sex. Then my biggest birthday wish would be for all the children of the world to live together in peace and harmony.

Trivia tomorrow night. Be there or be³.

To begin, let me repeat an earlier request. I'm making up my campaign posters now and if anybody can think of catchy, humorous campaign slogans for me, I'd appreciate it if you could share.

I went out a lot this weekend, so it flew by. On Friday night, I went to Dusk, a midtown bar, for the Black Table farewell party. I generally don't like bars, but I knew quite a few of the Black Table folk and there were some attractive female grad students there in prom dresses, apparently trying to reenact their own prom. One of them got flirty with me, but I decided not to pursue it when I saw her getting flirty with two other men that night. Some other sights from the evening: I saw a couple there making out continuously (with only occasional breaths for air) at the bar. Also, I saw a man trying to walk out of the bar with a drunken woman in tow when suddenly her friend noticed what was happening and stopped him. I found that amusing. In short, if every night at Dusk is like that, I may return there sometime.

On Saturday night, I went to a brand-spanking-new restaurant in the Lower East Side called El Bocadito. Prices are cheap (for New York), but portions are small. You may find yourself ordering two entrees just to feel satisfied. Similarly, the actual eating space is small and if the place becomes popular, finding seating could be a chore. I ended up having a ham and cheese torta (which is basically, a toasted sandwich. Same as Quiznos but one-third the size). I would rate the food as fair-to-good (a lot of it is spicy, going with the Mexican theme) and while I would return there, I wouldn't go out of my way to do so.

On Sunday night, I ate at a Hoboken restaurant called Nine (part of Hudson Restaurant Week). The appetizer was good, the entree was okay, and the dessert was excellent (I had chocolate fondue). Go for the fondue. The set-up for the bar is all leather couches and coffee tables (even for people eating meals). Frankly, I don't see the place lasting, but who knows?

Finally, some fool co-hosts Trivia this coming Tuesday with Phil. Come and see how much you don't know.

Jamy wrote a really good post about relationships and when they're right, and it led me to the following question. I wrote the question in her comments, but I'll repeat it here because it goes with the recurring theme of this blog.

The question is: what's the difference between thinking you're in love and actually being in love?

More questions: If the feelings aren't reciprocated, is it love or just obsession? How can one fall out of love? Can it be turned off like a lightswitch?

I'm feeling much better now, thanks.

Blogging is such an interesting phenomenon. Still, I'd like to see blogs that occur during inappropriate events. Like blogging at a bris (oh wait. I did that). Or at a literary party (did that too). Or a debate (tried to do that. Friggin' wireless signal sucked). How's about:

• During orthoscopic surgery?
• At a ball game?
• In the middle of psychotherapy?
• On death row?

Tamara points out a West Coast response to the overrated SNL sketch "Lazy Sunday" here.

I was considering going to Movieoke tonight, but this past weekend I caved and got food for my condo. Tonight, I ate a hefty chunk of it. Now I intend to re-watch my DVDs of "Firefly" and sleep. Lazy Wednesday.

I'm going to the Black Table farewell party on Friday. See some of you there.

I've discovered a reason for a hetero guy like me to see "Brokeback Mountain": Anne Hathaway ("The Princess Diaries") and Michele Williams (who has appeared in such movies as "Species", "Dick" and "The Baxter") appear topless in it.

Not every blog post is a winner, folks.

I'm scared.

When I interviewed at my new job, I was informed that the current location, very close to home, would be closing shop and the office would be moving. I suggested that I could work in the New York office after such a move occurred, but nobody gave any sort of confirmation to my statement.

After a few revelations from talking to a co-worker today, it seems to me that I was hired for the purpose of moving with the office. No definitive location has been given, but the rumor mill has places such as Winston Salem, NC and Columbus, OH. Both of these cities are in the middle of nowhere.

Assuming I'm given the choice of "move or leave the firm" next year, what should I do? It would look bad to future employers if I keep job-hopping as I have been. Perhaps I should try living there for a little while. I'm fairly certain I'd be miserable away from my family in such locations (cosmoplitan locations like Washington D.C. or San Francisco would be acceptable. These places aren't).

I feel like I've been backed into a corner and I'm scared.

Thoughts on the party: as previously mentioned in the comments, I spoke with my mother and we have the basic idea of what foods will be served. The appetizers will be mini-hot dogs and chicken wings. The main course will be deli. The dessert will be cheesecake and cookies. Along with this will be various chips and dips for snacking. I am open to any further food suggestions.

With regards to booze, I have gin, vodka, amaretto, whiskey, wines, and champagne (including a very special bottle for the occasion). I will get beer right before the event. Any other alcohol ideas? I'm considering Bailey's, since I like the stuff. Perhaps Mike's Hard Lemonade?

My attendee count is already up to 17. Sweet! I was estimating 25 people would go, but I may have to revise that number.

I already dropped and scratched my new cell phone, and it has lost that new phone glamour. Darn it! Only hours beforehand did I download some new ringtones to the phone. Let's just say that when my phone rings, you'll know it's mine.

Dear Jesus Freaks,

While I appreciate living in a country that allows all people of all denominations to worship as they please, and I try to be polite when you happen to include the name of your messiah twenty times in a single sentence, I would appreciate it if your enthusiasm for your icon could be somewhat muted on a Sunday morning so I can sleep in without the gospel choir that sings ten blocks away waking me with various preaching of Jesus in which the only word one can determine from the actual singing is "Jesus". For all I can tell, it could be a story about Jesus stealing a car.

Anyways, pipe down until noon. Thank you and God Bless. --Bob

My weekend was busy with various stuff I really can't make public on the blog. However, I did eat at this fancy restaurant called T.G.I.Fridays which had a prix-fixe menu for an appetizer, entree, and dessert for $12.99. I dare you to find that sort of bargain in New York.

The new Doctor Who will be broadcast on the Sci-Fi Channel starting in March. I urge everybody to watch it. The DVDs for the series will be released in the U.S. in June/July. If you want to get me a late birthday gift, get me that.

I haven't heard back from those "life coach" women who were hosting the dating panel. I guess my views of dating were too radical. Either that or they're afraid I would make them and the rest of the panelists look bad. In which case they'd be correct. I recall someone telling me that some actors aren't cast because they're "too good" and would show up the rest of the cast. I think this was definitely the situation. I'm experienced in this, after all.

All the dating services I know of are run by women. How come men don't run dating services? I suppose because such a dating service would have no women in it.

I had dinner last night at the Big City Bar and Grill on the UES. The burger I ate wasn't very good, but the prices are fair at best and the ambiance is nice. In short, I do recommend it as a date place, provided you don't have the burger.

Work, Day 3: still boring, but picking up. Internet access cures all ills.

Due to limited Internet access at home and work this week, blogging and reading other blogs will be very limited.

Day 2 at work: got the laptop. Getting closer to that day in which the real work begins.

So what's your favorite position?

Happy Wednesday.

New job, day one: not much happened. I handed in some paperwork. Got the lowdown about the business. Did not get any type of computer and hence had no Internet access all day. I should be getting it tomorrow.

Other than that, both my Internet and my laptop at home are screwed up. It's a miracle I can even write and publish this brief post.

Tonight, I went to Trivia. We lost. C'est la vie.

I know when someone has a conflict for my party and can't make it, I shouldn't feel personally slighted, but I do. It's totally irrational, but I do.

Tomorrow I start work at my new job. It begins a new chapter in my life. I've enjoyed my little vacation and hope that someday I will be wealthy enough to take a permanent one. Hopefully I won't screw this job up by doing something silly like web-surfing at work. I need to join some sort of Web-Surfers at Work Anonymous.

I spent my last day in transitionary retirement doing some personal errands. I ate at a good diner in Jersey City called the Brownstone Diner and Pancake Factory. I had the chocolate chip pancakes. It was a huge quantity of food at really good prices ($15 for two people). I recommend it, particularly to anybody reading this that is a snooty New Yorker who wouldn't dream of travelling to New Jersey for something as common as a diner. Since the diner is located in the middle of the 'hood, that makes it even more fun.

I got my new cell phone today. I decided that it wasn't enough to eat at every restaurant Sarah mentions on her blog. I also need to own the exact same model of cell phone she has. Next, I'll be wearing scarves.

Because life isn't interesting enough, the cable jack stopped working in my office, which feeds the cable to the office and both bedrooms. I needed to move the modem and router to my living room just to have Internet access. It's always something.

It starts tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Four jobs you have had in your life:
Women's shoe salesman
Room Service waiter
Ring Announcer
Trivia Host (I got paid. It counts)

Four movies you could watch over and over:
Superman, the Movie
The Muppet Movie
South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
The Yule Log

Four places you've lived:
(For reasons of anonymity, I only mention two)
New Jersey
England

Four TV shows you love to watch:
Battlestar Galactica
Doctor Who (BBC)
South Park
Oprah (just kidding)

Four places you've been on vacation:
Toledo, Ohio
West Palm Beach, Florida
My own home
Hell

Four of your favorite foods:
Corned Beef sandwiches
Thin Crust Pizza
Hot Pretzels (Not Auntie Anne's, which are too buttery. Good Philly-style pretzels)
Doctor Pepper (does that count as food?)

Four sites I visit daily:
Email website
Bank Account website
Credit Card website
This Blog

Four Bloggers you are tagging:
I choose the following based on the probability that they would actually do it.
Sarah
Phil
Wendy
Val
However, if any other blogger reads this meme and finds it cool, consider yourself tagged.

The other night, Dave and I had Hugh Jorgans. Talk amongst yourselves.

There's a lot to write about. Anonymous City Girl has sent me a meme which I intend to answer. I'm also going to mention an animal shelter at the end of this post, but what I'm about to say takes precedence above all else.

I'm having a birthday party, and you're all invited.

No, I haven't gone insane. I'm not inviting people I've never met to a party that my parents will be in attendence of. Let me explain:

You're all invited, provided you follow two stipulations for attendence:

1. I must have met you in person at least once. I need to verify that you're not an insane person that will burn down my condo.

2. This is important: YOU MAY NOT DISCUSS THE BLOG AT MY PARTY.

I'm going to repeat that last one: YOU MAY NOT DISCUSS THE BLOG AT MY PARTY.

Since members of my family will be there, and I don't want them to know about the blog, #2 has a huge degree of importance.

I realize by having bloggers attend a party with my family is like throwing a match into a barrel of gasoline, but what the hell. I'm only turning 35 once.

UPDATE: If you know me through the blog and attend the party and are asked my any members of my family how we met, make up a story that doesn't involve the word "blog". The more outrageous the story is, the better it is. There will be a prize given for the best story.

If you've already received the invitation to the party, then come on down. If you're reading this and haven't received an invitation, send me an e-mail and if we've already met, I'll send one to you. If we haven't met, then send me an e-mail, we'll meet up, and then you'll get an invite.

Finally, a friend of mine works at an animal shelter in Jersey City. If you want to adopt an dog or cat, visit here.

Arrived in Florida safely. Spent the afternoon hanging out by the pool. Spent the evening travelling with the parents to Miami, where we ate at an oceanfront restaurant on the south side called the Sea Cafe'. Pretty good steak.

Why do women wear high heels? Is it really to look better for men? It looks more painful to me than anything else. Why the obsessive need to be taller? What's with the shoe obsession in general? Half the women I've dated spend a chunk of their income on shoes.

Brief post today. I'm tired.

I decided to use the last free Wednesday before I begin my new job (and the last day before I travel to Florida) to see a Broadway matinee. I got to the TKTS line at about 10 AM, and had tickets to "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" by about 10:30.

Before getting to the show, I took a walk around midtown, stopping by the Central Park Zoo (I got a free pass for the day), stopping by both F.A.O. Schwarz and Toys R' Us to hug the stuffed animals. I also went to Ruby Foo's near Times Square for lunch, which has a nice decor but is overall overpriced. I also got a fortune from a fortune cookie that said I was creative, original and alert. In bed.

UPDATE: Forgot to mention that while walking past Carnegie Hall on the way to the Central Park Zoo, I noticed some paparazzi taking pictures. I asked someone whom they were taking pictures of and got the response of "Tommy Hilfiger". Know the name. Don't know the face. So it was probably him. I love being in New York. You never know who you'll run into. More on that topic below.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels: I enjoyed the show. The music was okay but mostly forgettable, but what drives the show is the excellent humor (which is mostly driven by Tony-award winner Norbert Leo Butz) and the tendency of the show to break the fourth wall. The show mostly follows the plot of the movie (including the big surprise at the end), but there is some variation in a subplot with one of the women that John Lithgow cons and the chief of police of the local town. I think I would have preferred to wait for Jonathan Pryce to take Lithgow's role, but Lithgow was good.

And, for the big surprise, during intermission, I glanced at the back of the orchestra and noticed someone standing at the back of the orchestra. I did a double-take just to make sure. It was Joss Whedon. HOLY SHIT! IT WAS JOSS WHEDON! I never notice celebrities, even when they're standing next to me, but I am very familiar with Joss Whedon's looks, having only recently watched his intro to the movie "Serenity" on DVD.

I approached him and said the unoriginal "Excuse me, are you Joss Whedon?". He said "Yes, I am". I introduced myself and said I was a big fan. He was standing there with the writer of "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels", who evidentally is some sort of friend or associate of the man. Then, I couldn't help myself, I went down on Joss Whedon right there. For the hours of pleasure Joss Whedon's work has given me, I gave oral sex to Joss Whedon. I'm quite proud of the fact. Sure, some of you have met celebrities, but who has given one a blowjob? Nobody. I figured as much.

Okay, maybe I didn't give him oral sex, but I certainly kissed his ass enough to chap my lips. I only wish I had a camera at the time. He's a celebrity to me.

Man, I'm lazy. I think I'm going to go to Trivia tonight and I'm loathe to do anything else because I'd be leaving for that soon. The only thing I did today was buy something at Circuit City and fill out some paperwork for the new job.

I should have studied, or written something (other than this blog post). This is what I think my life would be like if I didn't have to work. I wouldn't want to start anything because I might be interrupted. This is how it always is with me, even at the office. I can concentrate on one thing at a time. I've never learned to multi-task well. I just put an assignment aside and forget about it and move on to the next one. When I know something is going to happen, I hate to start a new project. Then I get depressed about how I should have accomplished more.

Last night, before the volunteer work, I got interviewed by two female Life Coaches to participate in a panel about dating. Apparently my opinion that men have it tougher in dating than women is different than everybody else's. First off, I never understood the career of "life coach", which is basically being a therapist without the credentials. That aside, these two women are putting together a panel about the dating world and neither of them are single nor have they been for a while. What's up with that?

Jonathan Pryce has replace John Lithgow in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" on Broadway. Now I'm even more tempted to see the show since I have enjoyed Pryce's work for years.

By the way, I'm going to Trivia tonight. Hope to see you there.

For those of you who are unaware, on some Monday nights I volunteer to help kids at a homeless shelter learn to read. This may seem philanthropic, but I'm actually doing it to help sales of Caren's books in the future.

Tonight this one girl was reading a book about a King and a Queen. At one point she misread a sentence as "two Queens". I then spoke without thinking much and said: "No, to get two Queens together you'd have to go to the Village". The kids didn't get it, but one or two of the other volunteers were in hysterics at the same time saying I shouldn't say such things to the kids. Oops.

I got my gas and electric bill for this month. THREE HUNDRED BUCKS! For my lousy 1300 square-foot condo. Over two-thirds of it was the gas bill, which makes sense as I've been cranking my gas heater. Rassin-frassin PSE&G.

So what's your porn name? Mine would be "Muppet Arden". I'm presuming you know the classic formula.

When I was in high school, I didn't get invited to many parties or activities. This continued through college and into my 20's. I would be involved in musical theater not only because I enjoyed it but because it would give me something to do some Friday and Saturday nights and I wouldn't feel like a complete shut in.

As a result of this, I still get oddly depressed when I learn that I'm not invited to friends' events (even when inviting me is unnecessary or unjustified). I still like to be thought of. This is why for my birthday party I'm inviting friends who, for reasons of geography, obviously can't make it. I'd like them to know that I'm still thinking of them.

Yesterday I went and saw Deniece and Denephew. Today, I met a few friends to watch some giants get slaughtered by wild panthers. Thus begins my week between jobs.

I'm posting this while naked and watching "The L Word." Let your imagination run wild.

Reviews:
La Esquina - Spanish for "the corner". Mexican place at the corner of LaFayette and Kenmare, near Chinatown. Small portions. High prices. Good food. I particularly liked the green beans, which tasted like they were either pickled or drowned in salsa. From the outside, the restaurant looks like a cheap Mexican diner. The real appeal of the place is the subterranean restaurant that opens at 6 PM (reservations are required). One is led through a maze of corridors through the kitchen into the dining area, which is tastefully done in a dim red. A giant crucifix hangs on one wall to ward off the vampires. Fire buckets hang from the ceiling as well. I'm not sure why. I think it would be a good date location.

The Chinatown Ice Cream Factory - This is the original and should not be confused with the Nolita Ice Cream Factory on Kenmare (which is evidentally owned by the brother of the original and they're having a family spat). Really good ice cream. Not quite to the level of Cones, but close. I particularly liked the strawberry cheesecake ice cream, but decided to try the chocolate chip ice cream and the mango ice cream in two different scoops. For you ice cream afficionados, I recommend a stop by.

My last day of work came a day early. I was informed by my (now ex-)boss that since I was such a boon and blessing to the company, I didn't have to go to the office tomorrow. Well, that's true except for the "boon and blessing" part. He was more likely saying "you're so unimportant that it's a waste of company resources to have you here", which is fine too.

I gave back my work cell phone. If anybody reading this has my old cell phone number, delete it. I ordered a new one tonight and hopefully I'll get it soon. For now, I have no cell phone. How do people live without one?

A lot of good things happened to me over the course of this job. I bought a condo. I started the blog. I improved my own social life. I underwent a lot of personal growth which I can take to the new job and whatever other new experiences I have. It felt strange leaving my office for the last time today. I felt numb and nostalgic at the same time. Years ago, I met with this woman in the lobby...actually, that's not important. It's in the past. I have a future to prepare for.

I was watching a few episodes of "The L Word" last night. Here is my analysis: talk talk talk talk talk. Lesbian sex scene! What, that's it? It's over already? Talk talk talk talk talk.

To begin, next Thursday to Sunday I will be travelling to the vicinity of Delray Beach, Florida. If any persons living down there read this blog and want to meet the Anonymous Blogger and show him a good time while there, a free beverage awaits you. Send me an e-mail.

I've been feeling strangely lethargic recently. Not just with the job, but with life in general. I think it may come from the realization that I won't be working in NYC anymore, so I won't have easy access to the city's activities, and that will impact my social life. In effect, I will stop being a "New Yorker" to any degree. I won't be able to meet with my NYC friends for lunch (not that I was able to before because a) they live the somewhat Bohemian NYC lifestyle and are constantly busy and b) the old job didn't allow me a lunch break). Still, I will miss it. I think New Yorkers are insane busy-freaks, but I'll miss it.

Congrats to Caren and Joel on their Black List articles.

Four days to go and I knew the first thing he'd do would be to take away my Internet access again (particularly given how much I was surfing last week when he was out). I'm trying to give a crap about the job I'm leaving, and it just ain't happening.

My cold has been gone for two weeks and my throat is still irritated and I'm coughing up phlegm. Why is that?

I notice that many writers revise the crap out of their novels. I'm sick of looking at mine and I haven't even revised that much. I should try to sell the damn thing. With all this time at work I suddenly have, I should also start on the second one.

Sometimes hypothetical scenarios just dance in my head. Let's say some man has a relationship with a woman and he wants to buy her some sort of bra or lingerie at Victoria's Secret. How can the man walk in knowing what size to get since, if the man is anything like me, he doesn't know boo about women's undergarment sizes? If he gets her a size too big, she might think that he thinks she's fat. If he gets a size too small, she might interpret that he wants her to be thinner. Going to a sales clerk and saying "You look about her size. Can you try on this lingerie?" seems a little too much like a pick-up. One possible solution is for the man to wait for an opportunity when she isn't looking to rifle through her underwear drawer (or through the clothes that are strewn on the floor).

On other matters, I need campaign slogans for my upcoming candidacy. Any suggestions?

The next four days represent the final four at the old job. I don't plan on making them stressful.

It is the first morning of 2006, and I am blogging. A sign of things to come.

Last night, Mike the Accountant and I spent the evening at my condo watching episodes of "South Park". Around midnight, we walked the the Hoboken waterfront and watched the fireworks over Manhattan. We kissed at midnight, not.

I took the liberty for the new year of cleaning up my blog roll and removing some bloggers who haven't updated in a while as well as adding some new ones. Oh, Blogette. I shall miss thee.

I weighed myself this morning, just to have a starting point for the year. I've been eating a lot of crap recently, so I'm up to 209. And so it begins.

Two nights ago I was walking around the Village and tried some new places. Some brief reviews:

The Blue Mill Tavern: An offshoot of Chumley's, owned by the same people. Good burger (I'd put it on par with Better Burger and not quite there with the Shake Shack). Interesting, retro-diner ambiance. Would eat there again.

Cones: Having the blueberry sorbet at this gelato shop should be a mandatory goal of your life. Recommended.

Welcome to 2006.