Back to Reality...

I write this at 7:51 AM (give or take). I got in from Florida at 4:30 AM and was so damn wired that I got up two hours later. That's what I got for driving the last six hours of a twenty hour drive.

While in Florida (where my hair became shorter and my skin turned scarlet), I stood next to the ocean (didn't go in. I was too busy) and visited a bar called Hugh Jorgan's in Delray Beach, which had dueling pianos. I enjoyed it (very fun place. The waitresses were extra-flirty) and would go back again if the opportunity presented itself. The only thing that would have made the experience better would have been if I had someone to share it with.

I also managed to watch the movie Garden State while in Florida. (Spoiler Alert) I think the ending would have been more realistic if Andrew Largeman just stayed on the plane. The whole reunion thing at the end seemed like that Hollywood crap that creates unrealistic romantic expectations and makes modern relationships that much harder. Give me spaceships and vampires! Once you have spaceships and/or vampires, believing he would get off the plane doesn't seem so far-fetched.

On June 7th (a week from today) a special guest star with join Caren for the 3rd Anniversary Tuesday Night Trivia show! Cake! Unique prizes! And a very special episode of "Blossom" (well, maybe not that last one).

On June 15th (a Wednesday), I am tentatively scheduled to perform stand-up comedy at the Gotham Comedy Club. It's a bringer show, so if anybody can make it, it would be appreciated. More information will be forthcoming.

What did everybody else do with their weekend?

Earth is safe once again.

As I write this, I have just finished cleaning the kitty and doggy bits off my person. My team and I were machine-gunning so many cute animals, I thought we'd be overwhelmed. A third of my team was nuzzled and nibbled to death. Upon annihilating the entirety of the enemy, we managed to shut down the doorway to Hell and destroy the enemy attack space cruiser.

Things got particularly hairy when Zach Braff called upon his mutant army of duckies and bunnies. We got those little bastards too, but the big bastard escaped. If anybody reading this sees Zach Braff, you must kill him immediately. Zach Braff is evil.

I now return to headquarters for debriefing and cocktails. I likely will not blog tomorrow. Normal service resumes on Tuesday.

As I write this, I am camped out just beyond the alien stronghold. Mr. Braff is there talking with them. Upon viewing the potentially devastating rendezvous, I noticed something about the invading aliens.

They look just like small dogs. Puppies, in fact. Quite adorable.

They're walking up and down the ramp to their attack spacecruiser on their cute little paws. They look so adorable with their big, sad eyes as they form a circle holding the proper sigils and open a doorway to Hell.

The first of the demons has walked out of the Hell-portal. Let me look in my binoculars for a second.

As I suspected, the demons look just like cute little kittens.

Puppies, kittens, and Zach Braff. Let the slaughter begin.

More later...

I wish it weren't true, but it is.

The aliens have had human assistance in attempt to execute their nefarious scheme. That help was none other than Zach Braff (the actor from Scrubs and Garden State).

Zach Braff has betrayed the human race. He gave the aliens the materials they needed to start the demon invasion. He has already escaped arrest once. If you see Zach Braff, he must be destroyed immediately and without hesitation.

Notice he doesn't mention this on his blog. Nefarious guy, that Zach Braff.

Still trying to save the world. I'll write again later.

I had to drive down to meet my contacts in Florida. I drove so fast, I nearly melted the car. I did the trip in 2 hours. The reason for the alacrity was that I drove so fast, I actually went backwards in time. Got a speeding ticket, too.

Not to panic anybody, but it turns out some alien invaders have gotten their hands on an ancient parchment with a spell on it that, if spoken properly and holding the correct sigils, will summon forth a demon army to invade the Earth and turn it into a second Hell.

Back to work! Cheers!

Oh yes. I want to point people to two articles: this one and this one.

Today's post will be brief...

Once again, I am called upon as an Agent of the Free World to end a threat to the very existence of the human race. I leave for Florida tonight. I will check in when I can. This mission is top secret, so naturally I will be posting on the blog time to time. If I succeed, we will know after the weekend. If I don't, for God's sake, enjoy your weekend.

May fortune favor me. May fortune favor us all.

Earlier this week, I received an e-mail from Australia calling me a "funny c*nt" (with a "u" rather than a "*"). Apparently, the author read the article I posted about the "tabs" man without knowing it was from a friend rather than myself.

Ran into an ex tonight, briefly. I don't have that many ex's, but one lives near my home. We haven't kept in touch. I asked how she was and what she was doing. She asked the same of me, and I answered. I said "it's been so long. I really don't know what to say". She then excused herself, smiling, and went home. I think I handled it well. What should one say in those circumstances?

Looking around the Blogosphere, I have found this Singular Man who writes about many dating philosophies we share with far better cogitation and articulation than I. I particularly like his advice regarding single women discussing sex with single male friends (entitled "How to Hurt a Man's Self-Esteem Without Mentioning His Penis"). It's a good read for some male dating philosophy.

Ever have one of those posts where you just don't have much to write about? This is one of them.

UPDATE: my office building has just been evacuated due to a fire in the basement. I am therefore posting again today. I'm fine. I neither got burned nor suffered from smoke inhalation. I am writing from a restaurant down the street with a wireless hotspot.

I noticed a (an?) Hispanic man on the bus yesterday wearing a Jewish star around his neck. My first thought was "funny. He doesn't look Jewish".

I attended two birthday parties this weekend. The first was for Eric and was located at a bar across from Chelsea Piers called The Park, where drinks were on the expensive side. Many familiar faces were in attendance and upon departure, I went with the birthday boy and some of his friends to a restaurant called The Trailer Park. This was a very cool restaurant and I would like to eat there again someday.

The second birthday was for Sarah and will undoubtedly be blogged about by a few people. A wild party, barely containable, having the usual wretched hive of scum and villainy in attendance. I got to speak to several people whom I hadn't spoken to in a while and overall had a wonderful time. Highlights included seeing Yoda on her birthday cake and watching 3-year-old Sarah perform in Romper Room.

Today I worked at a soup kitchen through the JCC in Manhattan, and I was the only person who showed up through the JCC (other people were there from NY Cares and other organizations). I was informed that usually 15 people do it monthly and they had 8 sign-ups for today, but nobody showed other than me. I had the option of going to a blood drive on the Upper West Side, but I had already signed up for this and decided to see it through.

I ended up serving the soup (Vegetable, if you must know) and acting like a complete ladle. I noticed several things about the entire event:

• The homeless consisted of about 90% men, 9% women, and 1% other. I wonder if this is because homeless women immediately go into prostitution? Why don't women ever complain about the unfairness of this particular statistic?
• The charity workers at the soup kitchen were about 75% male, 25% female. I had heard previously that charity events like this are mostly attended by women. Someone was telling me a fib.
• Many of the homeless were fairly well-dressed and articulate. They looked like someone who would work alongside you at your job. It made me wonder if they were business executives bumming for a free meal.

I did not say any of the following things to the people as I served them soup:

• "No soup for you!" (The obvious Seinfeld reference)
• "You're late. You missed the lobster and brie. Now we only have soup."
• "You're pretty well dressed. I doubt that you're homeless. I can't give you any soup."
• "Don't tell anybody, but I just peed in the soup."
• "You know, I wouldn't even have to be giving you people soup today if you'd get off your lazy asses and find a job."

Tonight, I'm going Across the Hudson. Have a nice week.

I have removed the link to the Wounded Liberal. He informed me that he has no intention of posting again and while he and I get along rather swimmingly, I don't like keeping dead links. It's untidy.

"Execute Order 66", an offbeat "Revenge of the Sith" review by Bob:

I liked it. I wasn't overwhelmed, but it wrapped things up nicely. All story inconsistencies should be nicely explained away by Star Wars geekdom.

Yeah, the acting and dialogue was wooden (I always felt George Lucas could direct computers better than people), but when you consider that there are starships flying throughout the galaxy, is having a larger-than-life, cliche' persona really that out of the question? (Hint: think William Shatner)

Between the ending of this movie series and the Star Trek series, it got me thinking about prequels.

I never liked prequels. You always knew how they were going to end. I didn't like it when Joss Whedon wrote the comic series "Fray" because it was determined early on that Buffy would eventually close the Hellmouth (sorry for spoiling it for those who care and don't know yet). Same with the Star Trek or Star Wars prequels. You knew how they were going to end.

On the other hand, we know how we're all going to end. Ladies and gentleman, some day you will all die. Everybody reading this will be dead someday. In effect, our lives are a prequel for our deaths. All our lives are prequels.

Life isn't about the destination. It's about the journey.

Riddle me this, Batman: who died? R.I.P. Frank Gorshin.

P.S. Happy Birthday to Eric.

Sing it!
Happy Birthday toooo yooouuuuuu.
Happy Birthday tooooooo yooooouuuuuuuu.
Happy Birthday, Dear Sa-arah!
Haaaappppyyyy Birthdaaaayyyyy toooooooooooo yoooooouuuuuuuu.

In honor of the occasion, I will be wielding my lightsabers and wearing my Sith cloak.

Both Wes and Becky have mentioned me in dating analyses on their blogs recently. Why have I become the poster child for this?

If anybody is interested, I am hosting an informal movie night at my condo Sunday night to watch episodes of the new Doctor Who. E-mail me for details.

Just killin' a little time before Trivia begins (hosted by Caren and Phil). Tonight is the last night I can go for a bunch of weeks (other than the third anniversary) because I'll be taking a training class on Tuesdays through August. I'm at a local bar that has a hotspot and using my laptop. Soon, I'll be checking out the online dating services (kidding).

I just got this today. America, f**k yeah. If you get it at FYE, you get a free t-shirt, so I got it there. I also finally registered for the New York Public Library system. You can do that if you work in Manhattan, even if you don't live there. I can now get books out of a good library system, rather than my local crappy one.

Since I know so many writers, I'm trying an experiment. I'm writing a novel. It's sort of free-form, although I have an idea of what it's about (100,000 words. Joke! I'm referring to the plot). I'm writing 500 words per day. I'm at 1500 words thus far (do the math). I feel that doing it in quick bursts where I vomit out 500 words is what works best for me. Anybody use alternate methods that work for them?

With the imminent release of "Revenge of the Sith", I have wondered what it would be like if it used the theme song from "Revenge of the Nerds" from the 80's, substituting "Sith" for "Nerds". "So go ahead and put us down. One of these day's we'll turn it around. Won't be long, hit and myth. Time has come for Revenge of the Sith..."

Okay, I'll stop now.

Sing it: I feel shitty. Oh so shitty. I feel shitty, and crappy, and bummed...

Where to begin? While the trip to Cleveland had much anticipation at first, it is pretty much a moot issue when someone who lives two hours away can't go. She gives legitimate reasons, but it still makes me feel like the pariah from high school that throws a party and nobody attends. I chose Cleveland because I've never been there and wanted to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Now I'm sure everyone will plan a Blogger Reunion for Labor Day weekend elsewhere. "Sorry you can't attend, Bob. Enjoy Cleveland!"

Yeah, I got my Internet access back at work. I don't want to go into details, but I got a speech today that made me feel like I was betraying the firm for surfing to dating sites (or even bringing a laptop into work). I will use the Internet at work to sporatically check my home e-mail and my blog, but that's it.

Finally, I learned that the people I brought from work to my stand-up routine on Friday night got into an argument with the guy who runs the show for underpaying the tip (there was a big miscommunication). I got an e-mail from him this morning, pretty much asking me not to return there. I e-mailed back an apology and offered to reimburse the remainder of the tip, but people in the comedy biz have long memories of such things (particularly those involving money). I suspect I won't be back there for a while. I was made to feel like I was responsible for their behavior, despite the fact I left beforehand to get to Brooklyn.

Combine all this with my dating history, and it's a drinking night. Phone calls from friends would help, but I won't be holding my breath on that one.

I went with Sarah, Mike the Accountant, and another friend to see a community theater production in NJ last night. Sarah has already written some insights into the show on her own blog (which could be applicable for many community theater productions I have seen). I performed in NJ community theater for most of my twenties, and in that time (and going back to the dating topic that pervades my blog and makes it so popular), I never had the guts to ask any of the women out. This wouldn't be so problematic, as community theater groups tended to consist of teenage girls and their parents, but sometimes there have been single females in the correct age range in the cast. Usually, I would just mentally tell myself "she wouldn't be interested anyway" and I always had this terrifying mental image of asking one of the female cast members out and her eyes opening wide and her mouth agape as they couldn't believe that I would have the audacity to ask her out in the first place and she had to think of some polite way to decline being seen in public with me. So, I never tried. There went my twenties.

In other news, I watched the final episode of "Star Trek: Enterprise" the other night and I have to say that I was disappointed. The plot was lame at best, but what really got me was that they tried to set the show during "Star Trek: The Next Generation" with Commander Riker and Counselor Troi and had the "Enterprise" story as a holodeck historical simulation, but Jonathan Frakes and Marina Sirtis looked so much older and different than 12 years ago when the show ended that it was impossible for me to believe that they were the same people in the show. It ruined my willing suspension of disbelief. They should have set the future story later, perhaps when Riker is Captain of the U.S.S. Titan.

Between the end of Star Trek prequel, and the last Star Wars prequel movie (stop celebrating, Caren), I began thinking about the concept of the prequel. I am going to write more about it after I see the last Star Wars movie on Thursday.

Just a quick blog to kill a Saturday afternoon...

I went to Jess' version of Blogapalooza last night at Barcade in Brooklyn. I met a few new people (and tried with minimal success to not talk about my blog), but Caren and Phil were also there.

At one point, Caren proceeded to kick my ass at Ms. Pac Man, achieving about three times my highest score. My reasoning for this is that I found the pink coloring of such an obviously effeminate game threatening to my manlihood. Also, how do we know it's even a female Pac Man? All she has is a bow on her head and some lipstick. She doesn't have Pac-Breasts or a Pac-Vagina. She could just be Pac Man himself after moving to the West Village. Which would leave the question of where Pac Man Jr. came from.

In the end, I relieved my fragile and shattered ego by beating Caren at a game of pool (sticks and balls. Definitely a man's game).

As a reminder, I’m working my comedy magic at the Comedy Cellar on McDougal St. in the Village Friday night at 7 PM.

Yes, I lost my Internet access at work again. Apparently, some co-workers complained about my frequenting dating websites such as JDate or Nerve, because they don’t have such access. There are ways I can work around this restriction. I can use other terminals to check e-mail or the blog, and I can bring my laptop into work and leave time to time to go to the hotspot down the street.

I have been guilty of surfing at work since the Internet began. I apologized to the boss for this behavior (yet again). My reason sucks. I have difficulty concentrating on my work sometimes (lately, more often than not) and I surf, mostly to my home e-mail and my blog. Occassionally I have surfed to dating websites. The thing is, nobody notices my e-mail or blog because they look innocuous. Dating sites are pretty obvious.

I’m irritated for several reasons. I don’t mind losing the access. What I do mind is the fact that my boss surfs to inappropriate sites as well (I’ve seen him do this), but his computer doesn’t face the general public, so nobody notices. I didn’t bring this up when he was lecturing me about proper office use of the web. I just smiled and apologized, trying to minimize my irritation (without much success). I don’t see the point of hiding my surfing since they record where I go, but I feel doing so is harmless (or perhaps I’m just self-justifying doing something that is against company policy).

I should face facts: I’m not a hard worker. I do whatever job is assigned to me as best I can, but I really don’t have enthusiasm for my current job nor do I go out of my way and do unassigned work. It’s an income. That’s it.

And what REALLY irritated me today is that I still went to get my boss coffee because he held the raise I’m supposedly going to get over my head while taking away my access. I caved. The situation is not worth losing income over. Watch me find out that the raise was a lie (I'm not sure whether it was or it wasn't).

I can’t tell my parents about this. They probably just say "we told you before to stop, and you didn’t". This is not the first job in which I’ve gotten in trouble for excessive web-surfing. I don’t know how to stop. My mind wanders at the job. This whole affair is like getting your hand caught in the cookie jar. It’s the sort of self-justification that criminals use to commit crimes. How do I break this addiction?

So, there will probably be far fewer comments on the blog now without
me there to urge things on. This blog has really been a tonic to me both personally and socially and losing it during the day is a considerable blow. I hope all of you, my blog friends, understand if I can’t respond to e-mails or comments immediately.

Have a happy weekend.

Over the weekend, I purchased this, this, and this.

"Grab a beer and drop your pants. Send your wife and kids to France..."

Like writer Peter David, I think David Hyde-Pierce was robbed of a Best Actor Tony for "Spamalot". Much as my opinion for the Producers, while I enjoyed the show immensely, I don't feel it should have gotten so many nominations. It's obviously a ploy to get more attention focused on Broadway. It wouldn't surprise me if the three "Spamalot" leads ended up being the hosts for the Tonys.

And finally, I received my first e-mail from the Nerve.com Personals. It was from some woman in Rwanda. Here's the text of it:

Hello, How are you, I am eliz , after going through your profile i deceided to have a good relationship with you, please you can send email to me in my private email address (address given here, but I won't repeat it--Bob) will let you know more about myself once i recieve your email.take care, looking forward to hear from you. Best Regard, eliz.

I've decided not to answer it. I have no interest in opening a branch of the Hotel Rwanda here.

A few announcements:

1. The Labor Day weekend trip to Cleveland is still on (for me and Mike, anyway). Let me know if anybody wants to join in for the road trip. It will be Friday September 2nd to Monday September 5th.

2. I will be performing stand-up at the Comedy Cellar this Friday at 7 PM. E-mail me for details if anybody is interested in attending.

3. I went to Trivia tonight. It will be my last visit for about three months, with one exception. I played on Phil's team. We came in second. I got Bubbles. Good times. June 7th is the third anniversary of Trivia and Caren will be there with a mystery co-host. Who could it be?

Finally, a friend e-mailed me the following. If it's true, then it's very funny. If not, then it's still funny:

MY DATE LAST NIGHT ---

When I did my taxes this year I found out that I spent over $14,000 on
Dates last year. Most of that was spent on dinner and drinks in
Manhattan. Now don't get me wrong, I had some very good times, some
great sex, some good conversations. Hell, I even made a good friend
along the way, but mainly I came away from the date feeling extremely
disappointed and with a lighter wallet. Date by date it's not THAT much
money but it all adds up fast!

In the past I had a habit of always grabbing the check and paying
whether my date was hot or not. Whether we clicked or not. Basically I
felt ashamed to let her pay. I also kept and interesting statistic and
even I was suprised that only 5% of my dates even offered to pay - yes
you see that right- 5%! One girl in the entire year offered to pay for
the entire check. A very nice gesture. But of course I paid and doubt
she was sincere. In light of all this evidence I knew I had to change
some things. So, this year.....

I DECIDED TO NEVER PAY FOR A FIRST DATE AGAIN. How did I do his? First I adopted the mindset that a girl should naturally assume she's paying for herself. Now this wasn't easy at first but I quickly got used to it. Then when going into the bar/restuarant/lounge etc. I would hand the
server a credit card and ask them to open tabs for us. HEY!-Did you
catch that? I said 'TABS.' Yah, don't worry at least 95% of the girls I
meet miss that one too. Just to make sure I usually confirm that the
server has understood me too. I do this when the date rudely answers her
cell phone or is in the bathroom (probably using her cell phone). Guys,
you know the Mastercard "priceless" series of commercials? Well, let me
tell you, you won't understand the meaning of 'priceless' until you see
one of these girls handed their own check for 3 20$ martinis and
overpriced food (that they would probably never buy on their own). It's
also very relaxing to encourage the girl to eat and drink up because
even at 20$ a pop for exotic gooey blender drinks I could care less how
many of them she has - cause SHE'S PAYING.

Oddly enough when she realizes that there are individual bills there
will a few prolonged moments of discomfort. But don't panic. Something
that took me by surprise is how many girls suddenly have to 'go to an
ATM'. I can't quite figure out if it's because their cc's are maxed out
on shoe purchases or that they are trying to guilt me into paying. Well,
probably a combination of both, but I'm remorseless after doing this for
nearly 3 months now. Which brings me to my date last night......
omg.....

Of course the classy nice Irish pub I suggested wasn't good enough for
her. Nah...she needed to to go somewhere more trendy. Ok, no problem.
Hudson? Meatpacking Dist? SoHo? Where we going? So she picks a midtown hotel bar. Nice place. Little stuffy. Drinks, not bad and Macadamia nuts on the lounge tables (complimentary) nice! Of course I went thru my usual routine, handed the server a credit card asked her if we can start tabs she said, 'sure' and took the card. 1 drink in her cell phone rang.

She apologized, (she had to get it). So I moved into confirmation mode.
Our waitress even missed the 'tabs' part but she adjusted on the fly and
told me no problem. Boy, let me tell you - the girl i was with could
really throw down the drinks. She was drinking scotch that was older
than the hotel we were in. Of course I encouraged her the whole way. She
was like, wow they have Johny Walker BLUE label! I was like, 'you ever
try it?' She's like....'Nooooooo!!!' I'm like, 'go on....just get some'.
She's like 'are you sure'. I'm like, 'look, if you want it, just get
it!' So she ordered one, then another, and finally one more..... wow she
was probably more than a little drunk. I stuck to my Stoli and Soda,
splash of Cran.

When the BILL(S) came she sobered up fast. I caught a glimpse of hers, 5
drinks plus a little finger food $319.00 I think it was. She looked
shocked and sick to her stomache when she saw 2 bills. Guess she thought
I was buying. Think again. (The old me woulda soaked up the bill but
steared her away from the Blue) I had 4 drinks, no food and a great
buzz. Pricey Stoli, but overall still a good value (i ate a ton of free
macadamias and almonds) $36.00. Damn I thought, that BLUE label will get you every time. Of course she did more than the traditional fumble
through her purse. Her face was beat red and she was speechless. She
left the bill on the table and excused herself for the restroom. I had
already paid and was sucking on some ice. The waitress was looking
concerned. I told her, 'look'. Sure enough my date was heading out
toward the front door. I slowly grabbed my coat as the waitress ran
after her. Then security or a bellman grabbed her at the door and a
small shouting match ensued. Can you imagine, she was trying to leave -
without paying!

Well, I didn't stick around to see what happened. All I saw was the poor waitress standing just inside the front door with a small cocktail tray. She did look concerned but not paniced. A doorman and bell hop had the girl by the arm, outside and was semi-forcing her back inside, she wasn't getting away from this bill. I paid my bill. I had my receipt. But I couldn't help wondering why she ordered 3 Johnny Walker Blues, doesn't she know that shit is expensive? Then I wondered if they had to arrest her while I had another drink at my local Irish pub.

I haven't heard from her again. Too bad, she was pretty cute too

"You're afraid of becoming the adult in your own life." - Dave

This was written in the comments today for yesterday's post. I want to read this statement every day for a little while, so it will be my subtitle until I say otherwise.

Regarding Pam's art show: I really had a good time. I met many of Pam's friends, who are good people. I would even talk to the walk-ins about what they thought of the artist. Pam's work has a theme of the female form (usually nude) with light someone around it either shining through or being reached toward. Anybody who knows Pam knows this fits with her feminine spiritual beliefs. And she even draws hands very well (and that ain't easy)! Pam writes of the event on her own blog. If anybody wants to trek out and see her art, it's on display at the Wydeye Cafe in Fell's Point in Baltimore, Maryland for the next 10 days.

I didn't write a lot of details regarding the British woman who spurned my kiss. For example, I kept suggesting things to do, and for one reason or another, she didn't like the event or couldn't make it (in one case, she didn't want to spend the money on a cab ride to meet me). In other words, she obviously wasn't interested from the get-go and may very well have been using me for free meals. It's a good thing it ended when it did. No more dating for a while. I have some thinking to do.

Tonight I purchased and assembled a new floor lamp from Linens and Things. In case you're unaware, they take competitor's coupons, such as those ubiquitous 20% discount coupons from Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Another Sunday. Another rejection.

I was seeing a woman from JDate whom I contacted and did respond, but stopped responding after about two e-mails only to try again recently. I liked her (partially because she was British and I am a Brit-phile), but we didn't have a lot in common. She contacted me after a few months because "the person she was seeing didn't work out". I had three dates with her, including the initial drinks. On today's third date, we simply hopped in my car and drove around Hoboken and Jersey City, stopping to eat in Hoboken.

On the drive back to her place in midtown, we were stopped at a light. I smiled and motioned to her to move in closer, for what was obviously going to be a kiss on the lips. She shook her head "no" and I asked her point blank "You're not interested, are you?". She continued to shake her head "no". I kept silent the rest of the way to her place. She tried to make small talk, but I kept silent. I didn't even bother to ask her why. One time during the small talk, she asked me what my last name was. I responded "does it matter?". She responded "no". I gave it to her anyway.

One of the things women have written in my comments is that if a guy doesn't try a kiss after a few dates, it's not likely she would continue dating him. Today's events are why I didn't try to inititate the kiss when I've dated in the past, because there are few things that suck worse than having a kiss refused.

By the way, I don't feel I did anything wrong with this woman, either.

Here's my new rule: if she hasn't made an attempt to kiss me by the third date, I will make an attempt. If she spurns my attempt, there will be no fourth date. Undoubtedly, some will call this "projecting expectations". I call it a "reality check".

I've gone back into the "no woman will ever be attracted to me" mindset (which I'm usually in when I blog about this shit).

Has any single woman out there done the homework assignment of asking a guy out? Didn't think so. Ever had a guy refuse a kiss from you? Didn't think so on that, either.

Today's post will be brief. I went to that wine tasting tonight. I didn't really meet anybody (either in terms of hooking up or just socially). I blame myself. I was feeling antisocial. I did learn a thing or two about the wines of Spain and Portugal. If I go again, I think I'd prefer to bring a friend along. Anybody out there up for a relatively inexpensive wine tasting?

Make that FOUR party invitations. Hoo-fah!

As Caren points out, today is 05-05-05. I definitely had more than five glasses of wine to celebrate.

Off to Maryland tomorrow! Have a nice weekend everybody.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that I have been quoted in two articles as of recent. My quote about the light rail system in Hoboken will appear in the Hudson Reporter soon (under the pseudonym "Bo"), and Esther quotes me in this article (using my "Bob" pseudonym).

The Blogette hasn't written in over a month. Ha! I scared her off. I was thinking that perhaps her real identity is Jennifer Wilbanks, which would explain a lot.

I've received three party invitations as of recent. Holy crap! I remember a time not too long ago when I wouldn't receive that many invitations over the course of a year.

I've been watching more episodes of the new Doctor Who. It's been developing nicely and I've been enjoying it. I've also been watching the final episodes of Star Trek: Enterprise. I may write some thoughts on Star Trek soon (or, as Homer Simpson says of the Internet, "why would I care what some nerd thinks of Star Trek?").

It seems today, that all you see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV.
But where are those good old fashioned values
On which we used to rely?

Happy Cinco De Mayo everyone! Have a dozen tequilas!

Went to Trivia tonight and played on Jess' team again. We came in third place. Jess herself found a new word for the dating lexicon in her blog today: butterface. This is defined as a woman with a terrific body and not-so-terrific face ("but her face"...get it?) Along with butterface, I add two words to the lexicon that I've discovered:
fag hag - straight girl who hangs out with gay men.
stag hag - straight man who hangs out with gay men.

I may attend a wine tasting at the 92nd St. Y this Thursday. Maybe.

Since nobody has volunteered, I will be going to Fell's Point on Friday rather than Saturday to attend Pam's art opening.

Today was Amanda's birthday. Happy Birthday, Amanda!

Sarah has discovered my chain of discount French lingerie stores on her trip to Paris. Now my reputation with women is ruined. Ruined!

Saturday Night Rewritten: a good show, for what it was. I went with Joel (the only writer I know without a blog). The previous night's SNL was a repeat with Hilary Swank as the guest-host, so SNR decided to make Jennifer Wilbanks, the real-life runaway bride, the guest host. Like the show they're parodying, the jokes are very "hip", current, and somewhat hit-and-miss in terms of joke quality. In their defense, they start at 1 in the afternoon and have a full show by 8 PM. SNL takes all week to suck. Overall, I thought SNR was good, but not great. It may have been a bad week for them and I would probably go again if the opportunity presented itself.

General dating question, just to gather opinions: in terms of kissing, what should be the schedule for a guy? To my chagrin, in the past, the woman never seems to take the lead on this, hoping the man would do so. I'm afraid of trying to kiss prematurely because I don't want to come off seeming like I'm rushing. Even worse, I could come off as a monster or pervert (particularly given how the media portrays men as predatory). The schedule I got from a friend for dating is: First date, end with a handshake. Second date, a hug. Third date, a hug and a peck on the cheek. Fourth date, a peck on the lips. Fifth date, kissing con lengua. Agree? Disagree?

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Several good reviews of this movie are all over the Internet, so I'm just going to again review it in relation to my personal experiences with the story. I last read HHGTTG in high school, but it remains one of my favorite novels. The combination of all sorts of sci-fi theories and Monty Python-esque humor created a very unique intellecutal genre that is definitively British (only really shared by Terry Pratchett, another favorite author of mine). That being said, I couldn't find that sort of British voice in the movie, which was geared more towards general audiences. There were some cute lines ("Run, he's got a towel") and funny situations, but it felt like it was watered down. The entire romance between Arthur and Trillian felt forced (In the books, there was no romance and Arthur later fell for a woman named Fenchurch). As Chris predicted, my favorite part of the movie remains the song by the dolphins, which is exactly the sort of cosmic silliness that is trademark Douglas Adams. In short, the movie was good, but not great.

Family Guy Live: Accompanied by the lovely Lori, I had a wonderful time at this event, which was marred by only one minor event afterwards. They began by showing clips of the first two seasons along with a music video of Stewie singing a rap (found on the Family Guy comedy album that was just released. I must remember to pick that up). The cast then read an episode from the second season live, and they kidded around throughout the reading. As a result, a twenty minute show took about an hour to read. Of the cast, the most guilty of this was Seth "Scott Evil" Green. However, Seth McFarlene (creator of the show and the voice of Peter Griffin, Stewie, and Brian the Dog) did improvise one line in his Peter Griffin voice that I found funny: "Lois, let me put my penis in your vagina. Two great tastes that taste great together". After the reading, there was a Q&A, which I actually managed to get up to the microphone and ask a question (what question, you may ask? Not tellin'). Afterwards, I waited outside to get a Stewie doll autographed by Seth McFarlene for a friend. I waited almost an hour (along with many others). Seth Green left during that time and graciously signed a few items before getting in his limo and leaving. McFarlene, on the other hand, exited the doors of the theater and went immediately to his limo without signing anything for anybody and left (this was what ruined an otherwise great evening for me).